Penny wise Pound foolish

Petrol prices increased... again.

A very familiar scene on the day before the price hike is a long queue in every petrol station you can see. This is a classic illustration of the Penny-wise-Pound foolish saying.

Lets get some perspective.

-> The hike in the price of petrol is rupees 8 per litre.

-> You probably saw the news, grabbed the car keys and rushed to the petrol bunk but a dozen or so other cars already beat you to it. You still wait for your turn. All the time, the car is on ( how can anyone stay without the AC? right? ).

-> You finally get your turn after half an hour of waiting.

-> You already knew at the back of your mind you won't get your tank filled.

-> You get around 10 litres of petrol.


Congratulations! You just made a mindblowing saving of 80 rupees. Hold on a second!

Weren't you waiting for petrol for half an hour with the engine on? Yes you were! You probably lost half a litre there. So your mighty saving takes a hit by 50%.

You still saved 40 rupees. And you look smug and gloat about it in front your friends later.

Just take the damn bus to work for a day and you will have saved a lot more than just money.





 

Overabundant supply

The next time there is a National Census, along with asking all the usual questions like
->how many family members?
-> Do you get electricity regularly? etc, there should be another question, just for fun.

-> How many of your family members have received some sort of cricket training?

It is exciting to see so many kids taking up cricket nowadays. Definitely not good for sport, in the country as a whole, but as a cricketer, I feel happy knowing that if I'm unemployed in the future, I can always open a cricket coaching centre and know that people will flock there even if they don't actually learn anything.

In a way this is not the fault of the trainers at the coaching centre. Parents have extremely high expectations, and they convince their children that they're the new sachin tendulkars of cricket. I vividly remember the face of a parent who was told that his son was a good bowler. He looked as though he was kicked in the balls. He wanted his son to be a batsman! Heights of expectation!

Everyone wants to be T20 ready in a matter of months and then play for the state team as early as possible.
Ranji and the IPL should happen in 5 years! A friend even had the gall to ask me, "I want to play first division cricket. Where should I sign up?" Sigh. This is what money makes of people.

The plan sounds like a government's 5 year plan, and we all know how that works out!

Anyway, coming back to the matter in hand, we are being riddled with too many cricketers. Too much is too bad right? So I thought of some alternate professions for our rich stock of cricketers.


1) Invest in other sports. Tennis for example. Cricket can never again be accused of over shadowing other sports. We will supply free ball boys for all ATP tours. All they have to do is catch and throw right? They might even offer some sideline entertainment trying to dive for the ball to catch it. To make sure there's participation, have a small "Best Fielder" trophy for every tennis match.

2) Sports goods manufacture. The ONLY people who are enjoying this outbreak of cricket enthusiasts.

3) Baseball! very similar to cricket. Baseball and Basketball are still the only probable aveues in which "Indians are not involved. Its our Uncle Sam. He will accept us, no worries.

4) How come there still isn't a reality show based on cricket? Entertainment!

This post is brought to you by the lazy superstitious idiot who thinks a mindless tradition like blogging before exams will better his performance in the exam. But then again, all is fair in love, war and exams.

Ciao

Analysis and Design of Serials!

I have done it! I have found it! Eureka!

We all know formula movies are passe. (They are not strictly passe, they're just under the tag of "timepass movies"), but how many of us still have to endure irritating serials!

After extensive study and careful analysis, I have come up with the perfect algorithm using which any of you can come up with your very own kannada soap!

The Algorithm will be presented in Natural Language.

Step 1: Start

Step 2: Introduce a family- Typically a rich family having a lucrative family                        business.

substep 1: Introduce the widow (family elder). If not a widow then a healthy                         couple. If (family elder== widower) #Algorithm fail.

substep 2: Introduce the siblings. Very close to each other. Wives of siblings have                 a history

substep 3: Introduce jealous, not-so-well-off relatives.

substep 4: Introduce traditional business rival/villain. If(person == rival && person != villain) { person will soon be a relative when the prodigal son falls in love with the shy demure daughter of rival }

Step 5: Induce death/kidnap of a family member of perfect family.

Step 6: No small kids allowed.



Step 7: while (episode count < 2000) execute subroutine vamp

subroutine vamp:
-> Introduce new vamp/villain.

-> Introduce mysterious complications in business leading to strained relations between one or more siblings. Usually one of the siblings walks out after a fight.

-> Vamp success phase. All plans of vamp succeeds. Main characters suddenly become extremely moronic and fall into all kinds of traps. (min 350 episodes )

-> Hero phase. Vamp is defeated by extreme clever cunning on part of main characters which was hitherto unseen.

-> A previous vamp/villain becomes a die-hard friend.

-> One of the characters becomes pregnant but tragically loses baby. Vamp's revenge.

-> Hum saath saath hia phase. Everyone is happy.

->return.


Step 8: If (TRP is good && old people become more senile seeing the soap)
             {
                 conduct public discussions.
                 goto Step 7.
              }

Step 9 : Stop.              

"Bug" off!

Some pointers for a bug-free summer.

 I am sure that I am not the only one who is bugged by mosquitoes, flies, ants, big ants, big flying ants and all their relatives. Yesterday there was a sudden outbreak of flying giant ants at I had to spend a dark night unable to switch on the light/tv/computer to avoid being swamped by these things. Jobless as I was, I tried a few things to get rid of them. Here's a list in case you are looking for some solutions to related problems.

 1) Air Freshner spray does not work. I emptied half a bottle of air freshner on the bugs and it had no effect. I ended up with my hair smelling like sandal wood and spent the night having nightmares about my hair falling out in clumps, albeit with the sweet aroma of sandalwood.

 2) Ditto with deodorant.

 3) The mosquito bat was extremely effective in making them flightless. A precautionary towel tied around your face and a round neck tee that sticks to your neck is recommended. After they are on the ground, you can finish them off with the good ol' one-two with your standard issue bombay parke (broomstick).

4) Suck them right out of the air with a vacuum cleaner! Do you want to use that age-old, good for nothing vacuum cleaner that you got as a gift like a billion years ago? Now is the time. Its not quite as exciting as say, catching a fly between chopsticks, but feel the chi flowing around you as you suck those bloody bugs right out of the air using your ninja like reflexes.

 ** If you did come upto tip 4 then you can be sure that someone else, father/brother etc will want to help(Obviously! Who doesn't want to be a ninja!). But then again, you are not happy with the quality of chi around them. you might want to modify plan 4 a little.

5) Combine 3 and 4 and you have one of the best bug battle strategies ever! Give the annoying father/brother/mother/grandfather the awesome job of vacuum cleaning the bugs fallen on the floor and you take up the "boring" job of swatting them out of the air with your electric bat. It helps if you have seen star wars recently. Not quite different from a Jedi swatting battle droids with a lightsaber.

There you go. You now have a flying-bug free living room. Now lather-rinse-repeat at all the tubelights in your house.

Ciao.

Darshini

We Bangaloreans are definitely forgetting what is required of a good hotel. A hotel is about food and food only. When I walk into a local Darshini, all I expect is quick tasty food. Unfortunately, the owners of these local darshinis, in a bid to appear 'hip and happening' are bringing in chairs and tables with smiling waiters, and compose a menu card a la other "big" restaurants.

Nobody in their right mind is going to go to a darshini to have a close soulful conversation. Coffee Day, Barista and the ilk already have dibs on that!

It is sad to see these darshinis that make up such a big part of Bangalore's rustic charm being transformed, hurriedly, into places of dining wihtout having the right set of people to manage the show.

In many ways, my dinner at a diner in Udupi had everything that I look for in a Darshini. Good food and quick, efficient, no-nonsense service.

Nowadays, it has somehow become fashionable for people to wait for food at "big" restaurants. Apparently, this is a status symbol which is supposed to show that the food in that hotel is in such great demand that the people who have ordered must wait for their turn. We who shamelessly jump queues and road signals are ready to show a great amount of patience to wait for the food!

I cannot imagine a Bangalore without idli vada soaked in sambar, coffee being drunk in glass tumblers, mangalore vada and bajji along with breakfast!

I don't understand why there is a grimace on people's face when I suggest a quick bite at a nearby SLV. After all, one plate of absolutely anything in the SLV is much much much better than any burger/snacky/sandwich/pizza that you eat by paying almost double.

Sure, I get the fascination that a McDonalds or a Dominoes holds at the beginning, but after a coupe of times of eating there, there isnt any fascination left. It is definitely not a place to go to have your regular lunch.

I will trade a McVeggie burger for a masala dosa... any day.

Save darshinis! let them know that we still appreciate their food. Have food at your nearby darshini atleast once a month!

Hey Jude~~

Hey Jude! Dont make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.

Anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon yourself.

Hey Jude! An amazing song by the one and only Beatles.

Now try this.

1)Copy the lyrics of "Hey Jude" into a word document.
2) press ctrl+f;
3) go to the find and replace column, type "Jude" in the find box and type "Sachin Tendulkar" in the replace box.
4) read the lyrics again.

It will make perfect sense.

The Sachin bandwagon is on its last wheel. And the wheel is threateningly close to being punctured. Now I'm not being sacrilegious. I'm just stating what is obvious and what we as a nation love to ignore. The mortality of our God!

The nation seems to have mixed feelings where Sachin is considered. Some want him gone. some want him to play forever. Such fierce pride in people who are ready to knock the block off any bloke willing to suggest that Sachin's days are over often nears fanaticism.

Why are we, as a nation, desperate to keep him going? My answer is that we have no one to turn to after Sachin. Saying that we have no one to turn to when we have a population of more than a billion individuals is alarming.

Sure we have loads of individuals who command a lot of respect from the community, but almost everyone has a love-hate relationship with the people. Some communities love them, some hate them. And some communities alternate between love and hate. Even Anna Hazare had almost as many haters as he had admirers!

It is inevitable that an individual will piss off a lot of people. However, I do not see anyone who commands undying love from the whole country. The only person in the last decade who possessed the same charisma is Dr.APJ Abdul Kalam.

So Sachin. Please keep going. Even if it takes you another decade to get that 100th century. Play matches. Get out in the nineties. But for the sake of our country! Do not retire!

What a sad state of affairs.

P.S. For all Sachin haters and fanatical supporters alike... Get a life! He will either score another century or not. Its just a game! Instead of moping around in your underwear and watching endless replays of cricket matches, switch to Neo Sports and watch the Indian Hockey team kick some a**!

Hypocrisy

The latest fiasco at the Vidhan Soudha involving certain "XXX" ministers opened a floodgate of criticism. And a serious matter it is too. There is a place and time for everything. But surprisingly, the emphasis of all the criticism seems to be the video in question rather than the unabashed display of contempt towards the proceedings in the House. It just makes me wonder whether they would have gotten away with watching a movie or a cricket match.

In my view, sleeping during proceedings (a favorite pass-time of namma ex PM), vulgar language etc are just as serious. Only in India can we ignore everything negative that is prevalent in our society and take a very hard stand on the vices that we're not familiar with. Pornography is as real a component in our society today as smoking and drinking and we very conveniently turn a blind eye to the latter two.

Are we becoming a nation of hypocrites? We, who in microcosm live quite amicably with our choice vices, fall on certain things alien to us and brand it "Anti-Indian Culture".

Modern India is facing a race-culture issue.

It will be fun to see the subtle developments in our society in the coming years.

Is it essential to continue our rigid stand or should we just accept what our society is becoming (the positives and the negatives)? Can we possibly turn our backs to and stop the tide of (the quite stupidly tagged) western influence and preserve the (quite unbelievable and apparently) Utopian society of the India of the past ages?

One thing is for sure. Our outlook on society is as outdated as the textbooks our school-kids study. Both need some serious updation.