The Almighty Fight for the Remote

"3 things to make sure you have a happy family...
1) Have separate bathrooms
2) Have separate bank accounts
3) have separate TV s.

If you don't have a TV or if you don't have soap-addicted grandparents then you are one lucky person. Though you might not have any interference while watching your TV, you sure as hell missed out on all the fun there is to be had fighting for the control of the one thing which even determines the lifestyle of the people in the house... THE REMOTE.

Usually, in every house there is that one particular place where everyone wants to sit to watch TV. That place is usually always next to the remote. The wars fought to gain control of that place are infact more fierce than any war ever fought.

If you think seeing such wars are awesome, then taking part in them is even better! Though if you are the youngest person and you are waging your war against your much older and supposedly wiser grandparents then you are sure to lose most of the time, but the fun lies in not giving up and savoring the few moments where you actually manage to hoodwink them.

There is no fun in shouting and arguing. Its the silent wars that are more fun. I mean didn't the Cold War have more of a lasting impact than the actual World wars?

Some Tips from a battle hardened war veteran.. myself :)

1) Don't ever ever ever ever look at your grandparents when you have the remote in your hands. You will be forced to surrender it in order to remain respectful. Simply pretend that they do not exist.

2) Always make sure you have visited the bathroom/lavatory etc before you make your move to gain control of the remote. Enjoy your moments there... they might be few and precious and its really irritating having a bursting bladder disturb that sense of superiority.

3) Carry the remote wherever you go... i.e. if you are seized by the sudden urge to munch on some really tasty ambode (Its an amazing dish... seriously... ask your grandparents about it when there is a break in your tv show and you are holding the remote. Such questions do irritate them :P )then be careful to actually carry the remote... but dont forget to exclaim and say how foolish you are for carrying it into the kitchen and give them an all knowing smile :).

4) Plan your move at such a time when you are sure you wont be besieged by visitors. They are your enemies and not your allies... Even your friends, who stop by for a chat!!! i.e. there is not point in seizing the remote when it is near lunch or dinner time, or early mornings or late evenings.

5) DO NOT EXPECT YOUR PARENTS TO BACK YOU... they will always back your grandparents. All you will get from them is useless sympathy

6) Always engage them in conversations when there are advertisements on TV and turn your attention back to the TV as soon as your program returns. This shows your superiority and helps you savor your moments with the remote.

7) Do it sparingly... to much and you will incur everybody's wrath at home for being selfish. You will have more fun this way.

8) God help you if you have siblings... especially younger ones. I know nobody ever let you watch cartoons when you were young and now you will have to sacrifice an awesome EPL match to watch bloody Cartoon Network.

Follow all these steps and you will be successful in the BATTLE for the REMOTE...

May your wits stay with you and may you always remember that the place between your ears is not empty..

Sayonara

P.S. This article might appear to be written by someone who does not respect his elders. As much as i do respect them, ITS MY HOUSE TOO FOR Ol' PETE's SAKE...