Exerpts from an enlightening conversation...

Today was a day of reflection. Reflecting on my actions, my life, my ideals, my studies( not a lot in this context) and life in general. It started when i was writing my exam. The alphabets on the question paper started dancing and i was transported into another world. And to cap it all I had a thought provoking SMS chat with Sumedha( my fellow Assistant Editor- ECHO, junior in school and a good friend).

The day started with me wondering about how I have spent the past two years in college. How I have portrayed myself and how my actions have been. Not a great lot i must confess. I was probably too overawed with the concept of college that i spent too much time in the beginning of 11th keeping my mouth closed( in the sense that i did not participate too much in class discussion or talk to a lot of people. It would be fair to say that nobody knew me during the first few months of college.

Is being known to many people a necessity? In a sense it is because when you fall from a small pond called school to a large lake, the transition is sometimes difficult, especially when you had the alpha male kind of image in school. When you are used to people recognizing you and greeting you at every turn of the corridor in school, the hustle and bustle of a multitude of people draws you into a shell of your past glory. I will willingly admit that I did get into one such shell, a shell of denial of all things that does not make sense to you. A shell of snobbism and narrow mindedness. It took quite a while for me to realize what an ass I was becoming and by that time it was too late, and Im stuck with an image that I dont like... atleast with my college-mates.

This is a perfect example of an identity crisis. This arises when you are unsure of yourself. When you are not sure how you want others to think about you, to form their impression about you. This problem arises only when you either have a less-than-ideal set of friends or you set too much store by what people think about you.

In my case I think it would be the fear or being talked behind my back. It is quite a crippling and irritating thing to deal with. Firstly, thre are people who without ever having spoken a word to you conclude that you are incapable of certain things, then you have to deal with some people who listen to you speak just to find fault with you. In such a scenario, speaking your mind is almost out of question.

I am probably dwelling too much upon petty things. There is a whole world out there and the slander of a few people might well not decide anything, but it is always better not to antagonize anybody. Total Political Neutrality... the art of remaining politically neutral... That is he mantra for life.