The title rhymes!!! I'm a poet and I did not know it!! :P (that rhymes as well!!)
We all know that Bungee jumping gives us a high. But bungee jumping without the bungee gets you so high that it takes you straight to heaven. Proof? the people who jumped from the top floors of Carlton Towers. Murphy's Law: "If anything can go wrong, it will. If anything can prevent it from going wrong, it wont work".
Let us understand the relevance of this great statement and have a moment's silence for all the people who tried to bungee jump from the top of Carlton Towers without a safety harness.
What do you do when you are stuck at home with no TV, nothing interesting on the computer, the same old food to eat and infinite repulsion to anything that vaguely resembles a textbook? You make a list of all things that make no sense in the world and write it in your blog.
Soap Songs...... Probably the most irritating songs in existence (i.e. not considering the songs sung by the great Himesh Reshammiya... hope the spelling is right. If not who cares? ). If ever there was a set of songs guaranteed to make you mad enough to try challenging the might of a brick wall with the hardness of your skull, it is these songs. What pray is the big idea behind torturing co-watchers by playing an irritating tune to taunt an irritated mind? The songs by themselves have no meaning. They are mostly used as alarms to alert the weak ears of old people and coax them into increasing the volume.
Pramod Muthalik... Another person who is off his rockers. He should be kept under observation in NIMHANS and should be used as an example in lectures on megalomania and fanaticism. Mr.Muthalik, Please read the Ramayana. You act like a babboon besmeared with bubotuber pus(for more on bubotuber read harry potter. LOL another rhyme!). Looking at you in the news irritates me more than a particularly nasty itch in a particularly nasty part of my anatomy.
America's Got Talent... 4 people sitting on a table and millions of moronic Americans looking to sing in front of them. This show also irritates me. The reason I even watch the show is that it comes after "Friends" and before "Baywatch". :P
Vodafone's Missed calls... Almost as irritating as soap songs.
Switching between soaps and cricket match and finally ending up watching neither... Usually happens during a cricket match is on and the remote is in the hands of your soap-addicted grandpa. IT SUCKS.
Kannada movies... Not even worth mentioning but one of the things that does irritate me. Why script writers and producers can't see past filthy rich chicks falling for filthy looking heroes, action scenes that are even more moronic beats me. WAke up People!!
Sania... Whatshername??? oh! right! Mirza... It woudnt be surprising if you see her travelling on a local bus the next time you visit Hyderabad. She's finished.
BJP... Almost as finished as Sania Mirza. Atleast in Karnataka if they continue to have idiots like V.S.Acharya in the cabinet.
My IIT aspirations... gone, vanished, finished, non-existant.
Anyway, Mad MARCH coming up. I am in desperate need for some interest in studies. And horrible second prep marks didn't help either. All the Best. May the Gods favor you.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Awkwardness
I had been to a function today. It was one of those aftermath events of the wedding. The groom's side hosted the girl's side a luncheon and I was invariably dragged along.
The wedding was of a supposed near cousin. The only glitch is that I never knew that such a cousin existed a couple of years back. I did not go to the wedding citing obvious reasons like exam and stuff, but today my aunt, the groom's mother insisted that I come and there I was.
The reason we had gone there was to have BK. "BK" is a acronym for Bitti Koolu which literally translates to Free Meals in Kannada. So we went there about an hour before lunch, the time which is socially accepted. Late enough to go willfully drag yourself to get ready and early enough not to appear rude and blatantly show to the world that you went there just for BK. I really don't know what purpose it serves because everyone present there knows that you have come for exactly that, though nobody says it aloud.
Moreover it was only for "immediate relatives", the so called "first circle", and I knew absolutely nobody there. I go there and I hear loud voices and laughter from inside. That was the first dampner on what little enthusiasm I had. Its bad enough introducing yourself in a company that comprises of people about 10 years elder, its even worse when they are enjoying themselves and may see you as a possible spoil-sport. I step inside and everybody starts staring at me. Though the stare lasted only for a moment, it feels like eternity by the time they take their eyes off you and return to their chatter. Let me mention here that the newlyweds and all other family members are extremely good people. But however good or accommodating they are, it is impossible not to feel that sense of alienism, that sense of unbelonging. It might not be there the next time I go there, but the first time it was blatant.
I got myself a seat in as obscure a place possible in a perfect rectangular hall with almost no walls to hide behind. And after answering the usual questions like which class and college, I settled down with a newspaper, acutely conscious of every movement in the room. I would have had so much to offer in that conversation if it was in group I was familiar with.
And after that it was all wait for the food, hog and then rush back home.
Unfortunately the food arrived late and the guests even later. We were the only fools who had gone there so early especially for BK and did not have brains enough to come fashionably late like so many others.
It is always in such circumstances that one realizes the true worth of time. IT seems like such a waste reading about bloody Bt Brinjal while waiting for food in an unknown place with all unknown faces around you. I spent about 2 hrs there and was almost fuming by the time I actually got home. If I was at home, I would have probably wasted that time anyway, but when time is wasted and it is not our doing, I bet everyone gets wild.
And what did I do after coming home? Kept switching between the cricket match and Lagaan (Amazing movie by the way :P ). AVS ans HSN would have committed suicide if they realized that an IIT Desirous, 2nd PU student had been to a function just 24 days before the board exams and wasted 2 hrs. To hell with them.
P.S. I dont get the lozic behind the bride's side having to pay for the expenses of the marriage. It ought to be shared equally. The very gesture probably shows the concern that the groom and his family have and will show for the daughter-in-law of the house. But who am I to question 2 millenniums (or millenia???) of chauvinistic tradition.
Good night
Have my physics practicals tomorrow. May the Gods be merciful and give me Ohm's law.
The wedding was of a supposed near cousin. The only glitch is that I never knew that such a cousin existed a couple of years back. I did not go to the wedding citing obvious reasons like exam and stuff, but today my aunt, the groom's mother insisted that I come and there I was.
The reason we had gone there was to have BK. "BK" is a acronym for Bitti Koolu which literally translates to Free Meals in Kannada. So we went there about an hour before lunch, the time which is socially accepted. Late enough to go willfully drag yourself to get ready and early enough not to appear rude and blatantly show to the world that you went there just for BK. I really don't know what purpose it serves because everyone present there knows that you have come for exactly that, though nobody says it aloud.
Moreover it was only for "immediate relatives", the so called "first circle", and I knew absolutely nobody there. I go there and I hear loud voices and laughter from inside. That was the first dampner on what little enthusiasm I had. Its bad enough introducing yourself in a company that comprises of people about 10 years elder, its even worse when they are enjoying themselves and may see you as a possible spoil-sport. I step inside and everybody starts staring at me. Though the stare lasted only for a moment, it feels like eternity by the time they take their eyes off you and return to their chatter. Let me mention here that the newlyweds and all other family members are extremely good people. But however good or accommodating they are, it is impossible not to feel that sense of alienism, that sense of unbelonging. It might not be there the next time I go there, but the first time it was blatant.
I got myself a seat in as obscure a place possible in a perfect rectangular hall with almost no walls to hide behind. And after answering the usual questions like which class and college, I settled down with a newspaper, acutely conscious of every movement in the room. I would have had so much to offer in that conversation if it was in group I was familiar with.
And after that it was all wait for the food, hog and then rush back home.
Unfortunately the food arrived late and the guests even later. We were the only fools who had gone there so early especially for BK and did not have brains enough to come fashionably late like so many others.
It is always in such circumstances that one realizes the true worth of time. IT seems like such a waste reading about bloody Bt Brinjal while waiting for food in an unknown place with all unknown faces around you. I spent about 2 hrs there and was almost fuming by the time I actually got home. If I was at home, I would have probably wasted that time anyway, but when time is wasted and it is not our doing, I bet everyone gets wild.
And what did I do after coming home? Kept switching between the cricket match and Lagaan (Amazing movie by the way :P ). AVS ans HSN would have committed suicide if they realized that an IIT Desirous, 2nd PU student had been to a function just 24 days before the board exams and wasted 2 hrs. To hell with them.
P.S. I dont get the lozic behind the bride's side having to pay for the expenses of the marriage. It ought to be shared equally. The very gesture probably shows the concern that the groom and his family have and will show for the daughter-in-law of the house. But who am I to question 2 millenniums (or millenia???) of chauvinistic tradition.
Good night
Have my physics practicals tomorrow. May the Gods be merciful and give me Ohm's law.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Baar Baar Barber
I had a haircut today, hence this post. I'm really not able to resist logging onto the net so i might as well write something.
My visits to the barber, ever since I was 6 years old has been a monthly affair. Get up early, go to the barber's shop, tell him just one word "Short" and wait and watch till he hacks off that thick bush on top of your head and then get up and go home. Never, I repeat never have I ever had more than a one word conversation with any barber, until today. And so far my visits to the barber have been hassle free.
Visiting a barber is similar to living in Afghanistan. You have no freedom and you are completely at their mercy. If they screw up your hair, then there's no fixing it back.
Even today I went a bit late, so there were already some people there. The usual banter in Tamil was going on. As always there was today's edition of Bangalore Mirror. I don't know whether it is a coincidence or not, but whenever I see someone reading that paper, its always in THAT PARTICULAR PAGE. No points for guessing which page. Anyway, today an old man of around 50 years was reading it. I wondered what use it could be to him. As always I picked up a copy of filmfare magazine. Interestingly, irrespective of all the newspapers and magazines, it is Filmfare which is most read. (For proof, just look at its condition the next time you go to a barber)
It is completely irritating how all the old guys turn their heads towards you and give you that rueful headshake. Completely pissing off. The other dude was reading "Ask the Sexpert" for Ol' Pete's sake and nobody even raises an eyebrow. Many even kept glancing into what I was reading from time to time. The same ones who gave the rueful headshake and the "See what the world is coming to" looks to each other.
Anyway, after all this tamasha, I finally got to go sit on the chair. I was getting comfortable in the seat when the guy who was supposed to give me a haircut wanted to attend nature's call. The idiot did not return for quite a long time. I usually spend time like that making irritated faces, and when I get bored of that trying out with different looks and gazes at the mirror. Afterall that's right in front of you. What I did forget was that the whole bloody room is full of mirrors and any monkey-like action I do is visible to everybody. So finally stopped acting the goof.
At last the guy came back. I got was about to fall into the familiar stupor and submit myself to his will, become a puppet in his hands when he gave me a look. I replied "Short". HE continued to give me the look and then he asked me "Slope or rounded" I had never heard both words related to haircut before. He took 2 minutes explaining what they were and I finally settled on slope. He tried to ask me few more questions but then realized its futility and started with the familiar hacking and snipping.
I am sure all of you will agree that the waiting part is quite boring. For the first time, I actually remembered how I spent that time.
1) First tried to give that dignified image. Closed eyes, the serious thinking expression. Realized nobody cared.
2) After the initial putting of water and combing was done and the first bit of hair fell down, I tried to open my eyes and started to guess where he would cut hair next. That also got quite boring after some time.
3) It is most fun when half your hair is cut. The barber keeps combing and recombing it to cut somewhere else, and you end up with some amazing hairstyles, although only temporarily. The best thing to do now is try giving different poses to best suit the hairstyle.
4) I still have not gotten over the dreadful feeling of how short the hair actually gets when he's done with the cut. One moment, it's all glamorous and stylish and the next moment its just plain old normal you with a typical scrawny look and very less hair on your head.
Happens to everybody I suppose. But my head does feel a lot lighter after the cut.
Need not trouble myself for another month atleast.
Does it happen with anybody else or is it only me who fears getting his hair cut after studying something. I have this absolutely insane notion that whatever we read gets stored in the hair. You lose the hair, you lose what you have studied. :P Stupid I know but its always nice to have those small superstitions to yourself.
Bye.
My visits to the barber, ever since I was 6 years old has been a monthly affair. Get up early, go to the barber's shop, tell him just one word "Short" and wait and watch till he hacks off that thick bush on top of your head and then get up and go home. Never, I repeat never have I ever had more than a one word conversation with any barber, until today. And so far my visits to the barber have been hassle free.
Visiting a barber is similar to living in Afghanistan. You have no freedom and you are completely at their mercy. If they screw up your hair, then there's no fixing it back.
Even today I went a bit late, so there were already some people there. The usual banter in Tamil was going on. As always there was today's edition of Bangalore Mirror. I don't know whether it is a coincidence or not, but whenever I see someone reading that paper, its always in THAT PARTICULAR PAGE. No points for guessing which page. Anyway, today an old man of around 50 years was reading it. I wondered what use it could be to him. As always I picked up a copy of filmfare magazine. Interestingly, irrespective of all the newspapers and magazines, it is Filmfare which is most read. (For proof, just look at its condition the next time you go to a barber)
It is completely irritating how all the old guys turn their heads towards you and give you that rueful headshake. Completely pissing off. The other dude was reading "Ask the Sexpert" for Ol' Pete's sake and nobody even raises an eyebrow. Many even kept glancing into what I was reading from time to time. The same ones who gave the rueful headshake and the "See what the world is coming to" looks to each other.
Anyway, after all this tamasha, I finally got to go sit on the chair. I was getting comfortable in the seat when the guy who was supposed to give me a haircut wanted to attend nature's call. The idiot did not return for quite a long time. I usually spend time like that making irritated faces, and when I get bored of that trying out with different looks and gazes at the mirror. Afterall that's right in front of you. What I did forget was that the whole bloody room is full of mirrors and any monkey-like action I do is visible to everybody. So finally stopped acting the goof.
At last the guy came back. I got was about to fall into the familiar stupor and submit myself to his will, become a puppet in his hands when he gave me a look. I replied "Short". HE continued to give me the look and then he asked me "Slope or rounded" I had never heard both words related to haircut before. He took 2 minutes explaining what they were and I finally settled on slope. He tried to ask me few more questions but then realized its futility and started with the familiar hacking and snipping.
I am sure all of you will agree that the waiting part is quite boring. For the first time, I actually remembered how I spent that time.
1) First tried to give that dignified image. Closed eyes, the serious thinking expression. Realized nobody cared.
2) After the initial putting of water and combing was done and the first bit of hair fell down, I tried to open my eyes and started to guess where he would cut hair next. That also got quite boring after some time.
3) It is most fun when half your hair is cut. The barber keeps combing and recombing it to cut somewhere else, and you end up with some amazing hairstyles, although only temporarily. The best thing to do now is try giving different poses to best suit the hairstyle.
4) I still have not gotten over the dreadful feeling of how short the hair actually gets when he's done with the cut. One moment, it's all glamorous and stylish and the next moment its just plain old normal you with a typical scrawny look and very less hair on your head.
Happens to everybody I suppose. But my head does feel a lot lighter after the cut.
Need not trouble myself for another month atleast.
Does it happen with anybody else or is it only me who fears getting his hair cut after studying something. I have this absolutely insane notion that whatever we read gets stored in the hair. You lose the hair, you lose what you have studied. :P Stupid I know but its always nice to have those small superstitions to yourself.
Bye.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Dichotomy of Fate...
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I have started with this beautiful poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost( Of "After Apple Picking" fame in the Whispers of Immortality). This is truly a beautiful poem, a rare diamond among the countless riches made during the Romantic era.
What actually influenced me the most in this poem is that the dilemma faced by the the author then is being faced by all of us now. Which way to turn? Infact, the author had a comparatively easy choice compared to all of us. He had only 2 roads to choose from. We have quite a lot.
I am the kind of person who believes that fate is non-consequential and just an excuse for either being pig-headed or being unable to do something. How much ever one may try not to link everyday happenings to fate, in a country like India it is not possible to disdain the influence of fate. It is every person's favourite escape route. Put on a grin or a smirk or scowl, run your index finger across your forehead and say "It is my fate". Though it is irritating from my perspective while writing this, some of us invariably tend to forget what we were supposed to be thinking and repeat the age old practice of pinger-across-forehead. That is mainly because of almost 2 decades of brainwashing that we have been continuously exposed to ever since we first entered this world.
Fate is inseparably linked with luck. Luck IS NOT fate. So what is this fate? Is my fate decided already or do I have any say in it? These questions probably cannot be answered.
Fate supposedly means your future. Your gains and losses in life, supposedly pre-determined by some 4 headed God sitting on a lotus. For someone who has a lot of writing to do, due to the increasing population, its amazing how He also has time to meditate and stuff.
The point I am trying to make here is that it doesn't matter what is written in your life. Its is nonsense if you lose some money on a bet and someone says "Its your fate". All it is just bad judging. If done properly, irrespective of whichever rashi is in whichever house, irrespective of what that God wrote, you will win. Fate is an excuse for failure. It is NOT something that one should try to understand, even less think about in life.
Suppose by some freak accident you are able to read your supposedly existing fate, then what fun is your life? It is always the prospect of a better tomorrow that drives humanity. It is the journey that is exhilarating, not the destination.
Coming back to ourselves. We now face a lot of roads. All with their own share of ups and downs. One thing is sure though. The road that slopes upwards, though difficult to climb, will certainly give a better view of the world in the end. The road that slopes downwards, though easy to travel, will never help you grow.
The fact that makes this decision very tough is that all roads are one way traffic. You can go, but cannot turn back. Each has its share of thorns and stubble, roses and ferns, dangers and adventures. Pick your best path and follow it with full earnestness and the latter part of the road will be easy travel.
What is it then that prevents us from taking up the path less taken? FEAR. the four letter word eats up many lives. Fear is the best mate of fate. Fear of tomorrow reduces one's productivity dramatically. It does take a lot of guts to do what one actually wants to do in life. Everywhere around us, we have people who induce fear. Nobody, absolutely nobody pats you on the back for thinking up an alternative solution for a problem. India is stuck in the quagmire of conservativeness. Anything swaying even a little from the average/normal becomes a source of fear. Being a quagmire, it easily extinguishes any bright spark that attempts to actually show the way out. People are happy enough sinking more, rather than accept the fact that there was actually a solution they could not think of.
Let more bright sparks shed light in this quagmire. Think about fate. Think about what it is and how your fate really doesn't matter in life.
Ciao.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I have started with this beautiful poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost( Of "After Apple Picking" fame in the Whispers of Immortality). This is truly a beautiful poem, a rare diamond among the countless riches made during the Romantic era.
What actually influenced me the most in this poem is that the dilemma faced by the the author then is being faced by all of us now. Which way to turn? Infact, the author had a comparatively easy choice compared to all of us. He had only 2 roads to choose from. We have quite a lot.
I am the kind of person who believes that fate is non-consequential and just an excuse for either being pig-headed or being unable to do something. How much ever one may try not to link everyday happenings to fate, in a country like India it is not possible to disdain the influence of fate. It is every person's favourite escape route. Put on a grin or a smirk or scowl, run your index finger across your forehead and say "It is my fate". Though it is irritating from my perspective while writing this, some of us invariably tend to forget what we were supposed to be thinking and repeat the age old practice of pinger-across-forehead. That is mainly because of almost 2 decades of brainwashing that we have been continuously exposed to ever since we first entered this world.
Fate is inseparably linked with luck. Luck IS NOT fate. So what is this fate? Is my fate decided already or do I have any say in it? These questions probably cannot be answered.
Fate supposedly means your future. Your gains and losses in life, supposedly pre-determined by some 4 headed God sitting on a lotus. For someone who has a lot of writing to do, due to the increasing population, its amazing how He also has time to meditate and stuff.
The point I am trying to make here is that it doesn't matter what is written in your life. Its is nonsense if you lose some money on a bet and someone says "Its your fate". All it is just bad judging. If done properly, irrespective of whichever rashi is in whichever house, irrespective of what that God wrote, you will win. Fate is an excuse for failure. It is NOT something that one should try to understand, even less think about in life.
Suppose by some freak accident you are able to read your supposedly existing fate, then what fun is your life? It is always the prospect of a better tomorrow that drives humanity. It is the journey that is exhilarating, not the destination.
Coming back to ourselves. We now face a lot of roads. All with their own share of ups and downs. One thing is sure though. The road that slopes upwards, though difficult to climb, will certainly give a better view of the world in the end. The road that slopes downwards, though easy to travel, will never help you grow.
The fact that makes this decision very tough is that all roads are one way traffic. You can go, but cannot turn back. Each has its share of thorns and stubble, roses and ferns, dangers and adventures. Pick your best path and follow it with full earnestness and the latter part of the road will be easy travel.
What is it then that prevents us from taking up the path less taken? FEAR. the four letter word eats up many lives. Fear is the best mate of fate. Fear of tomorrow reduces one's productivity dramatically. It does take a lot of guts to do what one actually wants to do in life. Everywhere around us, we have people who induce fear. Nobody, absolutely nobody pats you on the back for thinking up an alternative solution for a problem. India is stuck in the quagmire of conservativeness. Anything swaying even a little from the average/normal becomes a source of fear. Being a quagmire, it easily extinguishes any bright spark that attempts to actually show the way out. People are happy enough sinking more, rather than accept the fact that there was actually a solution they could not think of.
Let more bright sparks shed light in this quagmire. Think about fate. Think about what it is and how your fate really doesn't matter in life.
Ciao.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Almighty Fight for the Remote
"3 things to make sure you have a happy family...
1) Have separate bathrooms
2) Have separate bank accounts
3) have separate TV s.
If you don't have a TV or if you don't have soap-addicted grandparents then you are one lucky person. Though you might not have any interference while watching your TV, you sure as hell missed out on all the fun there is to be had fighting for the control of the one thing which even determines the lifestyle of the people in the house... THE REMOTE.
Usually, in every house there is that one particular place where everyone wants to sit to watch TV. That place is usually always next to the remote. The wars fought to gain control of that place are infact more fierce than any war ever fought.
If you think seeing such wars are awesome, then taking part in them is even better! Though if you are the youngest person and you are waging your war against your much older and supposedly wiser grandparents then you are sure to lose most of the time, but the fun lies in not giving up and savoring the few moments where you actually manage to hoodwink them.
There is no fun in shouting and arguing. Its the silent wars that are more fun. I mean didn't the Cold War have more of a lasting impact than the actual World wars?
Some Tips from a battle hardened war veteran.. myself :)
1) Don't ever ever ever ever look at your grandparents when you have the remote in your hands. You will be forced to surrender it in order to remain respectful. Simply pretend that they do not exist.
2) Always make sure you have visited the bathroom/lavatory etc before you make your move to gain control of the remote. Enjoy your moments there... they might be few and precious and its really irritating having a bursting bladder disturb that sense of superiority.
3) Carry the remote wherever you go... i.e. if you are seized by the sudden urge to munch on some really tasty ambode (Its an amazing dish... seriously... ask your grandparents about it when there is a break in your tv show and you are holding the remote. Such questions do irritate them :P )then be careful to actually carry the remote... but dont forget to exclaim and say how foolish you are for carrying it into the kitchen and give them an all knowing smile :).
4) Plan your move at such a time when you are sure you wont be besieged by visitors. They are your enemies and not your allies... Even your friends, who stop by for a chat!!! i.e. there is not point in seizing the remote when it is near lunch or dinner time, or early mornings or late evenings.
5) DO NOT EXPECT YOUR PARENTS TO BACK YOU... they will always back your grandparents. All you will get from them is useless sympathy
6) Always engage them in conversations when there are advertisements on TV and turn your attention back to the TV as soon as your program returns. This shows your superiority and helps you savor your moments with the remote.
7) Do it sparingly... to much and you will incur everybody's wrath at home for being selfish. You will have more fun this way.
8) God help you if you have siblings... especially younger ones. I know nobody ever let you watch cartoons when you were young and now you will have to sacrifice an awesome EPL match to watch bloody Cartoon Network.
Follow all these steps and you will be successful in the BATTLE for the REMOTE...
May your wits stay with you and may you always remember that the place between your ears is not empty..
Sayonara
P.S. This article might appear to be written by someone who does not respect his elders. As much as i do respect them, ITS MY HOUSE TOO FOR Ol' PETE's SAKE...
1) Have separate bathrooms
2) Have separate bank accounts
3) have separate TV s.
If you don't have a TV or if you don't have soap-addicted grandparents then you are one lucky person. Though you might not have any interference while watching your TV, you sure as hell missed out on all the fun there is to be had fighting for the control of the one thing which even determines the lifestyle of the people in the house... THE REMOTE.
Usually, in every house there is that one particular place where everyone wants to sit to watch TV. That place is usually always next to the remote. The wars fought to gain control of that place are infact more fierce than any war ever fought.
If you think seeing such wars are awesome, then taking part in them is even better! Though if you are the youngest person and you are waging your war against your much older and supposedly wiser grandparents then you are sure to lose most of the time, but the fun lies in not giving up and savoring the few moments where you actually manage to hoodwink them.
There is no fun in shouting and arguing. Its the silent wars that are more fun. I mean didn't the Cold War have more of a lasting impact than the actual World wars?
Some Tips from a battle hardened war veteran.. myself :)
1) Don't ever ever ever ever look at your grandparents when you have the remote in your hands. You will be forced to surrender it in order to remain respectful. Simply pretend that they do not exist.
2) Always make sure you have visited the bathroom/lavatory etc before you make your move to gain control of the remote. Enjoy your moments there... they might be few and precious and its really irritating having a bursting bladder disturb that sense of superiority.
3) Carry the remote wherever you go... i.e. if you are seized by the sudden urge to munch on some really tasty ambode (Its an amazing dish... seriously... ask your grandparents about it when there is a break in your tv show and you are holding the remote. Such questions do irritate them :P )then be careful to actually carry the remote... but dont forget to exclaim and say how foolish you are for carrying it into the kitchen and give them an all knowing smile :).
4) Plan your move at such a time when you are sure you wont be besieged by visitors. They are your enemies and not your allies... Even your friends, who stop by for a chat!!! i.e. there is not point in seizing the remote when it is near lunch or dinner time, or early mornings or late evenings.
5) DO NOT EXPECT YOUR PARENTS TO BACK YOU... they will always back your grandparents. All you will get from them is useless sympathy
6) Always engage them in conversations when there are advertisements on TV and turn your attention back to the TV as soon as your program returns. This shows your superiority and helps you savor your moments with the remote.
7) Do it sparingly... to much and you will incur everybody's wrath at home for being selfish. You will have more fun this way.
8) God help you if you have siblings... especially younger ones. I know nobody ever let you watch cartoons when you were young and now you will have to sacrifice an awesome EPL match to watch bloody Cartoon Network.
Follow all these steps and you will be successful in the BATTLE for the REMOTE...
May your wits stay with you and may you always remember that the place between your ears is not empty..
Sayonara
P.S. This article might appear to be written by someone who does not respect his elders. As much as i do respect them, ITS MY HOUSE TOO FOR Ol' PETE's SAKE...
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